We’re going to celebrate Mother’s day this weekend. Mom gets singled out for her long suffering. She gets a meal, a card, some flowers and a pat on the back for helping keep our species going. We only give her one day for keeping all this going. It doesn’t seem fair. We should give Mothers another holiday. At least one more. We don’t have to make a completely new one. We’ll just change an existing one.
Let’s see…How about New Years Eve? We’ve just had Christmas. We’ve given and recieved gifts and we are full of a generous human spirit. We’ve fattened up a little with all the eating that comes with hanging out with family—you have to eat a lot when hanging out with family. You don’t want to be talking too much with those nuts. You feel good about the world. Then we go and ruin it on a wild drunken spree that ends with you making out with your pet or your toilet. One or the other, or both will happen. You know it. We should give New Years Eve to Mothers. It’ll make them happy. We won’t be out embarrassing ourselves until late in the night. Instead we will be eating a nice meal with her and going to bed at a reasonable hour. How nice of us. It’s a win, win situation.
Don’t want to give up New Year’s Eve? We’ll pick another one. How about Father’s Day? Do we really need a day? I don’t. We’re really not going to do anything that different anyways. We’ll just lay around and watch TV. We’ll basically waste it. I guess cards are nice but I’ve never really been moved by one. I read them and think to myself “wow, someone get’s paid to write this crap.” I got birthday cards with money in them a few times. Those were the best cards ever. I can remember the money. I remember nothing about what the card said. We’re not worth having a special day. I freely admit this. We’re sneaky as hell. We take days off all the time. It’s more fun to sneak a day off than it is to have one forced on you. It’s much more of a challenge. Let’s scrap the New Year’s Eve idea. Let’s replace Father’s day with another Mother’s day. They deserve it. I’ll just sneak another day off for myself sometime during the year. Here’s to having two Mother’s days. You gals deserve it.