Times are tough.  Money is tight.  It’s actually pretty normal for me, but I’ll take everybody’s word for it.  I’ve always had enough money to get by and have a little fun.  I don’t get to buy very many new things, but if you  buy used stuff that’s been taken care of it’s like new.  I don’t get to choose the biggest and the best or the latest and the greatest.  My choices are careful endeavors between adequate and just above adequate.  That’s my place in the grand scheme of  things, adequate.  I am adequate.  I have adequate means and things.  I am tired of settling for just adequate.  I’m considering a life of crime in order to obtain the finer things in life.  I must figure out what kind of criminal I’ll be and what kind of crime will be my specialty.  There is one major component to my future criminal endeavors.  They must make money and lot’s of it.  This crime must pay.

      The first thing that comes to mind is a robber.   A robber just breaks in and takes what he or she needs.  There’s a lot of danger associated with this kind of criminal.  While the idea of taking someone else’s superior stuff does appeal to me, I’m afraid I could never actually do it.  Starting when I was a pre-teen my  families house began to get robbed.  We were robbed five times in seven years.  We had our Christmas presents robbed on two occasions.  My mother took to keeping all the presents in the trunk of her car.  Needless to say we didn’t get anything too big or too breakable.  The robbers really wiped us out a few times taking most everything that was worth anything.  After the third robbery our insurance company dropped us.  After that anything that was valuable had to be left at my grandparents house.  They were retired and home almost always so really important stuff was stored there like guns and fishing equipment.  My Dad did have his revenge though.  After the third or fourth time we got robbed my Dad decided that anything he and Mom bought to re-furnish the house was going to be old, heavy, and mostly worthless.  He stayed true to his  task.  He and three friends brought in a T.V. that had to have weighed five hundred pounds.  It was one of those old ones that came in a pretty nice cabinet with a record player on one end and a radio on the other.  It was probably six feet long and three feet wide and the T.V. in it was black and white.  It  was a pile of crap.  He also bought kitchen appliances that although they worked either made horrible sounds or shook violently during operation.  One by one he filled our house with junk.  It was terribly satisfying when the robbers struck again.  They took everything but the T.V.   They had moved it but not far.  Luckily the economy got  better and the robberies ended as quickly as they had begun.  Dad finally worked up the courage to buy some new stuff.  We had a color T.V. again finally.  I can’t be a robber.  Those memories are still to fresh. 

          I thought about being a embezzeler.  I don’t think I’m smart enough to be one of those, plus you have to be in a position to embezel.  I’m not in such a position.  I thought about maybe running a scam or a con but those things take a a lot of planning and preparation.  Those aren’t my strong points.  I don’t really plan much of anything and forget about preparation.  I was just about to give up becoming a criminal when I had an epiphany.  I know now what kind of criminal I am.  I am a black mailer.  It’s perfect for me.  I already know a bunch of stuff about friends of mine that they don’t want told.  It’s perfect.  If they want me to remain silent I will be paid.  I want small bills placed  in  ziploc bags thrown into my yard late at night.  This will need to be done at least once a week.  Your initials better be on the bag.  If  I do not recieve the money I will begin telling stories on facebook about all those not leaving me money.  I better have some bags in my yard soon.  You know who you are.  You know what I know.  Hurry up.  I want a new flat screen T.V.