I was abducted by aliens once.  I’ve never really talked about it because I knew all my friends would accuse me of getting probed.  No probing took place but it was weird.  I was transported by some kind of yellow strobe light up to a very nicely outfitted alien space vessel.  The aliens bore a striking resemblance to  us save for one strange feature, their testicles hung from their ear lobes.  One on each side.  It’s looks very strange at first but you quickly get used to it.  It became like looking at a cross dresser who had really bad taste in ear rings.  Mostly though they were similar to us anatomically.
Because we are so similar they had chairs that fit me fine and nice comfortable couches made of something like leather but was still alive.  We sat around and chatted for the first hour or so.  They had learned all the languages of earth and were fluent in english.  They spoke with a very pronounced accent though.  By learning english from watching satellite television they had picked up some of the nuances of famous actors.  I could hear a little John Wayne mixed with Christopher Walken inflection.  I answered question about earth such as who is Lindsey Lohan going to date when she gets out of jail or rehab whichever one she’s in now, and they answered questions such as do your ear nuts get cold.  We played air hockey until we got thirsty and then we had some kind of warm beverage that comes from the anus of space cow-like animal which they kept in a small stall in the back of the vessel.  Then it was over.  I never lost consciousness nor did my jammers ever get pulled down.  It was a perfectly pleasant evening spent in space with some pretty cool dudes from another planet.  We said our farewells and I got transported back to my bedroom.  They said they’d call the next day but I  haven’t heard from them since.  I’m sure they’re just busy.